o';'o

woohoo!!! I didnt update for so long...I guess it's time to go back to xanga after all those facebookings...

so I have been really busy...working on tue thur sat and sun from 7 to 2 every week...teaching kids on fri from 330 to 6...dancing on mon from 8 to 10...wed and fri from 7 to 10...sunday's schedule is random...school on tue 10 to 12 thur from 10 to 2...final exam next sat...and all other stuff like doing projects...basically i have no time to chill with ma frds...but i no true frds wont mind right???? it's in da heart...o';'o I love u all and u guys know it muah~~~

so im practicing for a show on june 30th...chinese dancing and hip hop...and a show on july 7th...new talent singing contest...then I will be teching kids at summer camp...and help out for st paul hospital...a fundraising event for buying a cancer scanning machine...

this summer...I wanna do something worthwhile..tho im super busy and missed out a lot of fun time with ma frds...but im happy...coz im not wasting ma time...life is short and I wanna use time wisely...o';'o take and give...and I wanna give now...o';'o

tonight I jus went to ma lil sis' graduation ceremony...so wanna cry...not jus for ma sis...but for all those graduates...I can feel that they putted in 5 yrs of effort for that certificate and for that few hrs of recognition by others...thats y I clapped so hard...so so so hard that ma hands hurt now...anyway congradulations BB and all the 2007 graduates o';'o

this yr I aint going anywhere...well mb going to vegas in christmas coz I promised maself that I will go...coz I dunno if I have time to go after graduation...i might be working so hard to earn money and no time to do something I wanna do...money is important...but I guess happiness is more important...coz again...life is short!!!

jess and others are going away soon..exchange to other countries...I will miss u all and goodluck...remember to update me even u guys r so far away...I will be waiting in van...o';'o so dont forget abt me >.<

for ppl who read ma post...thanQ for da caring...I luv u all as well...o';'o

im scared...

im sooooooooooo scared...have been studying like crazy...but seems like I can never stop studying even tho I studied for so long already...jus never think im prepared u know...

i have an exam in 7 hrs...but I feel so scared deep inside...I screwed up on da midterm...i cant screw up ma final...but the stuff is jus so hard...guessing all da way...wat should i do? there's nothing i can do to make the fear go away...thats y i decided to put down ma books and write down on xanga...thinking of calling someone to talk abt this..but dont feel like talking...really wanna share tho...so writing it out on xanga might help...hopefully...

wish me luck...really need that in 7 hrs...god bless me!!!

where should I start...mmm...have been slacking off since I finished ma last midterm on da 28th...11 days without studying is ma new record...ppl who know me well should be surprised ..yup like this..hahha...well finally got all da midterm results...POORLY DONE!!! but hey...jus as expected...haha ...well I guess that means I have to stay home and study for another month...COOL!! o';'o

Kristal's bday coming up...gonna party up at Plush...getting tired of attending all these parties...maybe it's time for me to HIBERNATE again...like I always do...hide from everyone...everything...when I feel tired...confused...and lost...

Ppl kept asking me if theres something wrong with me lately...coz ma MSN nameS sounded so sad all da time...well thx for all da caring comments...it's jus that..im kinda struggling with da inner me...I so wanna get out of HERE...but I dunno if HERE means Vancouver or this world...dunno if anyone of u get wat i mean...I so wanna be reborn...wanna start everything over again...ma life I mean...not that I regret wat I did before...but I jus want a new start...so I can do things BETTER...and be a better person...

One of ma frd told me that im a lucky girl..."HE" said im pretty...im ok rich...im smart...I have so many frds..luvly family..and lot of guys going after...he said I should be happy...but how come I aint happy at all??? it's like I have many things that ppl wanted already...but im missing something...and I dont even no wat it is...or am I asking for too much??...I really dunno...thats y im so sad all da time...jus couldnt find the ans....

lately boss came bac...thx for making me feel that im so important!! well...im so happy that I can put a smile on ur face...coz I always wanted to make ppl happy...thx for coming into ma life..u sure do understand me..talking to u is so different...coz u understand everything...and u r not jus trying to pretend that u understand..like most other ppl...so wanna say thanQ to u...u made me feel that I will always have someone to turn to from now on and forever and ever... there was once a person that I thought I can always turn to when i need someone...but he left...breaking promises...haha which is as I expected...ppl make promises jus to break it u no??? ...no one can ever keep them..not even the most truthful guy...but I didnt blame him...not at all...wish him happy loh...o';'o...anyway all I wanna say is thanQ..o';'o thx for understanding me...

as I always say...life is all abt happiness...dunno abt da future ahead of us...it's full of uncertainties....but for now...I guess nothing is important except to enjoy every sec of the time we have left...I dun wanna think nemore...jus wanna be happy I guess...ppl nowadays r so complicated becoz they think too much...too much mind games...so let's not think..and im sure there's a path that has already been laid out for us...

no pics...another long entry...don't have to read ppl...it's too long...loh

BECCA!!! : I guess we really should start studying...and hey...help me fuck ruth's eyes plz...ok??? so friday u going to Plush with me??? if u dont go i wont go...tho Kristal was so mad when she heard that...haha last time I was ur protector...this time u should be mine...

SIU: stop making up stories abt me and all these guys...com'on...and stop telling them abt my stuff...and stop teaching them how to approach me!!!!!!  if they really wanna be with me im sure they can do something without Teacher Siu ok?

Christine Pan: where da heck did u go??? too busy with ur matthew or wat?? u disappeared...u r no longer in ma crew man...except if u start calling me everyday from now on and report to me what have u been doing...or else..."TALK TO MA HAND" plus...I wont go to da exec dinn man!!!!

Lin Lin: whenn r u coming to class???? my 15-20 class jus opened...for u ONLY!!! if u dun wanna get drunk nemore...come to class stupid!!!!

wat's going on???

I cant believe that I did NOTHING for the whole reading break...well ppl keep telling me that I did...coz I did study everyday...but that is nothing to me...coz for me...studying is daily routine...

besides studying...I have been drinking for the whole week...I dunno how I made it...but somehow I did...im afraid im becoming an alcoholic now...I dun wanna be like this..but I dun see the meaning in life nemore..my life is so screw up now...like I dunno why I do the things I do...there's nothing in this world that can cheer me up...my whole life is just...study and drink....mb im too stress from studying thats y I drink everyday...just to get away for awhile...but drinking is pointless...it's jus a way to kill time...

before I said I wont find a bf anytime soon...but now I guess I really do need one...lately feel super empty inside..I really wish I can find someone to take care of me..that someone can fill up ma heart...kissing me and hugging me all the time so to make my worries go away...and I hope that someone can bring back the meaning of life to me...but I know that even if I want one..things aint that easy and perfect all the time..........

well anyway...im glad that after wed i can finally relax a bit...I have decided to stop the drinking life...and really do something meaningful after wed and until I start to study for final...I wanna do more things that can make myself happy now...like going for a movie..shopping...watching DVD...eat more jap food..decorate ma room...etc etc...and hopefully I can spend all these time with ma hunnie o';'o...mmm...dunno who will he be???? so excited even jus by thinkning...

random thoughts: 1)...what am i missing in ma life really?....i seem to be a lucky girl...but i still feel so lost...y? is it becoz i think too much?? 2) why ppl can never act on wat they promised? dun promise others if u know u cant do it...coz it hurts... 3)  I wish I can be smart enough to invent a time machine...so I can go anywhere at anytime without hesitation...ppl can be there on time when someone who is really important to them is dying...ppl can understand why and how everything has happened...no more misunderstanding...no more hiding...no more lies....everything will be clear like water...haha dunno if this is da way to say it.....and ppl can see their hunnies all the time no matter where they r.... 4) I wanna go to somewhere far and start ma life all over again...list goes on...

once again...ma post is so long...no one is gonna read it haha...esp without pics...but I dun care..xanga is jus a way for me to express ma feelings...feels good everytime after I finished typing...coz...it's like u r talking to an invisible person....that person wont talk to u or reply u...but he/she will jus listen gum o';'o

going to buy "M GAY" now...didnt eat da breakfast for so long...o';'o...then wat im gonna do after i wake up is...daily routine...-->study...374 midterm on wed...haha...so not prepared loh >.<

Random pics o';'o